As a Shaman healer it is often my job to take a symptom (ear ache, back pain, lack of self esteem, depression etc) and trace it back- into the unconscious & possibly past life to find the core wound. What pain, or shock, or trauma happened that is now reflected in the symptoms my client is showing?
This isn't about replacing a health care professional, it is appreciating that we are complex & many of our problems are rooted in our emotional & energetic bodies.
Part of my shaman's journey is too look deeply at my own shadow self, because if I don't then how can I help others on this journey?
Sometimes it can be a difficult path, especially when I have built friends, family, habits, a character & partner around the flaws in my soul. I have grown strong around these flaws- building strengths out of my weaknesses. Now I need to face those original weaknesses & wounds with fierce honesty.
The first time I really did this was living in Orkney. Single, no children, no job. Remote from the world except for my teacher & his family. I could battle my shadow with no thought for others, or the world around me.
Now I have a husband, four children & a business to run. It is far more difficult to reach deep into my shadow self and still meet my responsibilities. Responsibilities I am honored to hold.
Apart from the time I need to process, reflect & REST during this process. There is also the slight problem of my character change. I am feeling more confident, more ready to accept challenges, less ready to compromise or play a role. I am more honest, and that does not always lead to smooth relations.
The truth is that far harder than "learning techniques" or empathizing with others pain- the hardest part of my shaman training journey is looking with clear honesty at my own shadow self.
Most of my life has been built around these soul fractures. I'm not entirely sure who I will be when I have stripped away and worked at the core. I can feel friendships, my marriage, every part of my life groaning as it re-adjusts to the new me. In normal manner I have jumped into this fully and quickly, and the last two weeks have been the most life changing for a long time.
And so I say tread lightly on the Shaman path. It is often paved with tears, and fears, and letting go. You'll never be quite sure where you find yourself at the end of it. It is about stripping away fears, illusions, social constructs, hidden shadow self. It is- more than anything- about finding yourself.
I am going to focus on writing, and family time, and working, and gardening for a bit now. After a session with my Shaman Teacher today (Evelyn Brodie) I feel I have reached a place from where I can grow comfortably into being the only thing I was ever meant to be. Me .
“It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.”