Tarot, tears and difficult days.
Life has been tough recently. The everyday stresses of insecure housing, home educating four children, and both of us working long hours just mounted and spiralled out of control. My husband and I lost sight of the fact that we are stronger together.
In times like this I have three main helpers;
#1 Good friends I can message and say "Life is a little crap right now"
#2 Old books I love, that I can sink into as if stepping into another world (try not to judge but "Twilight" is perfect for this)
#3 And my Tarot pack.
I love my Tarot in times like this. Instead of getting caught up in the maze of fear which my own mind can create the tarot offers an honest, unbiased opinion.
I tend to use it conversationally- especially when trying to understand what my husband is really thinking when we are both lost in the exhaustion of our lives, words are shouted and emotions twisted into shapes that don't reflect what we really feel.
I do a simple spread- three cards for me, three cards for him (no- I won't be sharing his spread that doesn't seem fair!) and one card for "I need to remember this. "
I headed into my caravan. Lost, exhausted, and really not able to understand why we were in this state It is so much easier to understand other people's marriages that my own!
My husbands spread spoke of exhaustion, stress and worry.
Mine reminded me (High Priestess) that I had shut of my emotions from him. Now I am particularly good at doing this- and I realised he was probably finding it very difficult to "read" me or understand what was happening.
It told me not to throw away the "baby with the bathwater" (8 of cups) to try and get this in proportion. It might feel like an unlovable situation- but it was very focused in the moment. If I could get a sense of proportion, the bigger picture, then I would start to value what we had rather then desire what we didn't have.
It asked me to appreciate that exhaustion was the reason for all this. (5 pentacles) The whole family has been hit with quite a nasty cold like virus- and with 6 of us that takes some time to get through! I felt like I couldn't cope, and that is ok.
In the DruidCraft deck the 5 of pentacles can also indicate marital break up (according to the book with the cards) and this -although worrying- was a useful reminder that I needed to face this, not just hope it would go away.
What I needed to know (10 pentacles) was that our family unit was stronger than just the two us. We have four amazing, complicated children. They are our reason for so much, and they are certainly a clarity point when it comes to our relationship. The 6 of us are a strong unit- worth fighting for.
I kept this spread out- it seemed to perfectly reflect what I needed to know to guide me through this time. I worked with just this spread for about a week- then felt I wanted a daily card to help me to progress.
Each day I pulled a card to help me focus on what I could best do to navigate this time. I avoided any focus on prediction- it can become a maze of depressed thoughts and fears.
I pulled just one card a day- and used it as a focus.
Day one & two- High Priestess. Fine. I can do this. I kept myself to myself, emotionally detaching. Giving us time for peace and solitude despite working together as co-parents.
Day three- Tower. Woah! Not always the best- but I felt the emotions and there came a time in the day when I just shouted and let all my thoughts out. I did rage a little, and we did argue, but sometimes that is exactly what is needed.
Day four- 2 of cups. I smiled at that, it felt right. We had both released a lot of anger in the argument, now time for honesty. The time did arrive- and where as over the past few days I would pick up a book and tune out in the quieter times this time I made a pot of coffee and paid attention to us. The tarot had helped me to gauge his emotions, and the time was right. We talked, we listened, we put life into perspective.
And life has found an even keel again. We still have colds, we are still exhausted. but we are working together again.