A trouble-some journey with Tyr
Spirit guides are funny things, to me they have as much importance in my life as friends and family. I have taken the time to get to know them, work with them, listen to them, and try to understand them. But just like family they can cause troubles..
Over the years I have worked a lot (as some of you may have gathered) with the Norse deity Frey. Whenever I hold group space, or journey for a client he is there, usually in quite a friendly and interested way- rather than actively involved.
I have been teaching a “rune-a-month” recently and deeply engaging with a different deity each month. September was Tyr. I associate Tyr with truth and honesty, and over the years I hadn’t realised that he was my “default safety rune” – and one that has been interwoven into all the group work I do.
So, I held my in person barns lokk-seidr (chanting and shamanic journeying) group, as I have done for about 8 years now. Moving to stand up, ready to call my usual guiding deities- Odin, Freya, and Frey- when I had an overwhelming understanding “Just call on me tonight”. I have learnt to trust this sort of message, so I stood up, and for the first time (ever) called only on one deity, Tyr.
I think the group were a little surprised, our routine is much the same month in, month out. And this may seem like a small change- but that opening routine is important to us.
The evening continued as usual- we chanted together, then adjusted our positions (some like to lie down) as I led the group on a drummed meditation to connect with (meet) Tyr.
The group quite liked the calling in of one deity, found the energy perhaps a little clearer than usual.
I did not, I felt quite uneasy.
I had not appreciated quite the comforting role Frey has come to play in my life. I felt as if I was in a totally different space, and Tyr was clearly quite chuffed to have free range for a change- instead of having to negotiate around Frey. He does tend to stand in the way when I am challenged.
I experienced a deeply disturbing and very uncomfortable cleansing journey- which I do know to be needed, but none-the less was not pleasant at all. Normally in these journeys I check in that everyone is OK, then saunter over to the side to chat with Frey. I consider it a little “me” time. This time with out that option, and I do understand this is a good thing, I was deep in the middle of my own healing crisis.
The group commented that the drum seemed different- I pointed out that I had no idea who was drumming, as in my journey I was lying on the ground in agony, not entirely sure where the sound was coming from.
Frey came in at the end, he was not entirely pleased with my decision. But not entirely against it either. There was a subtle acknowledgement that to heal and grow then perhaps stepping slightly out of such a comfortable relationship sometimes (can you note how hesitant I am) is a useful thing.
As I write this I am curious, tonight is my monthly lokk-seidr via Zoom, and in line with my "rune-a-month" it is Tyr. I find (to my surprise) working by Zoom is even more concentrated than in person- so I am trepidatious, yet curious about how I will experience the journey. Because in the ned any work with Spirit guides is about the relationship- listening, and learning, and understanding that they all play different roles in my life.