As a Tarot pro- what I have learnt about love..
#1 Don’t make assumptions.
I need to be honest. I grew up in a small rural, white, middle class community. I grew up thinking an adult relationship was the marriage between a man and a woman. I am very grateful that through the lens of Tarot I have witnessed just how diverse relationships can be. I have learnt never to assume anything about a relationship based on the client sat in front of me, life is far too diverse and interesting to make assumptions about anyone!
#2 Love is complicated.
When people ask about relationships the first thing they usually say is “it’s complicated”, and my experience is it really can be. People whose emotions are caught between two people, Or in a relationship, finding they are losing themselves- but don’t want to leave either.
I guess if you are asking the Tarot about love, then it may be complicated somewhere (or you wouldn’t be asking), but emotions can be so difficult to untangle, and love can complicate those emotions even more.
#3 Love can hurt.
The ending of a relationship, a betrayal, unrequited love – these hurt. I didn’t realise, until it happened to me, that a broken heart can be a genuine physical pain.
A bad breakup, or betrayal can ripple through your family unit, friends, work place, home- it can touch every area f your life. And it can leave you questioning your own self worth to such a deep level that you wonder if life will ever be worth living.
Love can hurt, and that can be a very lonely and scary place, which can be hard to express to others. I have learnt to find compassion in love based readings, it is so often needed.
#4 My role is not to judge.
The week my husband told me he was going to have an affair, I had a client weeping about the affair they were having, and how to handle the guilt. It was a tough session for me, but the Tarot helped me to connect with my client – rather than my personal feelings- and guide them objectively.
I will stop a reading if I think the aim is clearly to hurt, control, or manipulate another person. (I have had those clients. “How can I best get my revenge on my ex”) But other than that I do believe it is not my place judge, rather to offer compassionate guidance (see the last 2 points!)
#5 The future is not fixed.
I know not everyone will agree with this, my experience is that we all have free will. A Tarot reading gives broad strokes, of a possible future ahead. Based on the past it gives a likely outcome.
But people can make unexpected choices and change that future. This can be a blessing- it means you can create the best possible future for yourself, you do not need to be restrained by past patterns. But it also means people can make worse decisions than their past suggests, avoid commitment, hide issues instead of speaking their truth.
I can often get a feel for how likely an outcome is, but there is always wiggle room in a reading, people always have free will.
#6 One person cannot fix a relationship.
I was in this position myself and have witnessed countless others. Where one person is determined to try and mend a relationship, despite the other person not engaging at all. This can really hurt and be a dangerous combination. If you aren’t careful, you can lose yourself in that space, and end up in a very toxic relationship.
#7 Perspectives differ.
I find it fascinating how different our perspectives can be- for example where do we draw the line on infidelity? For some its emotional, for others not being honest, is it sexual contact – we all have slightly different lines in the sand.
It has helped me understand the true uniqueness of humans, to witness so many perspectives on love, relationships, and where people’s boundaries lie.
#8 Love is not enough
I find this sad, but very true. Responsibilities, obligations, distance, finance, emotional wounds… there are so many reasons why love is not enough.
So often there is love, a connection, but just no way at this time to translate this into a relationship.
And I’ve left the most important until last…
#9 Love is not an excuse.
I used it myself, for far too long. And I’ve heard it far too often. For a relationship to work then communication, trust, respect, kindness all need to be there as well. There are many reasons why a relationship breaks down, but never allow yourself to enable toxic behaviour because there is also love.
Never let love be the excuse for unkind behaviour.