I often get asked if my job – as tarot reader and shaman healer- are exhausting.
Honestly not so much, no. What can be exhausting is working through my own shadow. So often clients reflect, in some way or another, a part of my journey. Then to ensure that I am can hold a completely neutral , safe space I need to work on releasing my issues, working through another layer of my shadow.
I’ve noticed for the last few months the 3 of swords has endlessly popped up in readings for me. And often not in a coherent sense. Just there, not fitting in with the reading- but making its presence known.
Then the three of swords started to be a central card in every reading for me, and my anxiety was rising high, my sense of overwhelm becoming unmanageable.
So I decided to book into see my shaman healer, I think it is really hard to release deep rooted shadow stuff with out someone to hold the space. As a tarot reader I asked the cards first (you would expect that- right)
The reading left me in no doubt...
Emperor- this represented my shaman healer. Well he is male- but more than that, I see his role as to gently, firmly hold the space. To allow me the comfort of knowing he has the space, and no matter how out of control I might feel I know he is gently holding everything together. A rock in the whole process if you like.
High Priestess- my role in this healing was to go deep, and let go. As it happened my role was even more “High Priestess” than I had anticipated. My role was to step aside so my healer could work without me fully there.
It was fascinating to step aside of my physical body and witness the experience, to come so close to touching the void.
The Tower. Oh yes- this was a wise warning for how I would feel afterwards. I am pretty hardcore when it comes to shaman work, not a lot will knock me. This did. I was unable to stand, or walk for sometime. I was left feeling as if someone had vigorously shaken me body and soul, and am still waiting for the emotions to settle.
And yet- I feel freer than I did before, as if a lot of the inner walls I had built up in darker days had been blasted out. I am very grateful for the experience, yet still picking up the pieces somewhat.
I always like to look at the card at the bottom of the pack, I find it often tells me something I need to know. This time it was the Ace of swords.
As a shaman I work with the Norse Gods, and I associate the ace of swords (and hanged man) with Odin. I associate the “os” rune of the younger futhark with Odin- representing the mouth, words, and primal sound.
When I saw the Ace of Swords at the bottom of the pack I knew this healing was completing a series of three- in the first healing Odin rather dominated the proceedings and had some very clear messages for me.
And so yet again I am left breathless at how accurate the tarot was for me- even about something as strange as a deep shaman healing. It has been a very tough few weeks as I have tried to take the time to process my experiences- for a while I struggled to write or find my voice at all.
I wanted to share this experience of our wonderful living guide book- the tarot, and to share how beautifully it guided me.