Do you feel that opportunities, luck, an easy life, love (fill in the word most appropriate to you)- seem to be something that happens to other people, just not you (and it’s O.K., because you’ve got used to it. Life has always been that way)
Have you ever considered that it is not the world that is the problem- it is that you are looking at the world through the grimy visions of your own back story.
I have come as a shaman & tarot reader to be very aware of “back story”. For me a back story is the tale you present to others about your life.
It is rarely helpful- as every time to share your back story you reinforce it to yourself, and it is usually the single biggest problem in moving forward in life.
Our past defines who we are, our past has created who we are to this point.
Want to see who you will be in 10 years time? Look at the pattern of your past to find out. (which is why tarot is such a useful tool) You don’t believe me? Let me illustrate, like a stage magician which a cheap trick.
2, 4, 6, 8 And I bet I can guess the number that you were about to say.
Your psychology may not be that simple, but when we define ourselves by our back story, we are following a pattern of our past with as much conformity as the two times tables. Let go of your back story, and your pattern forward changes in that moment.
Pause for a moment, and consider. Who do you really think you are? When you get to know people-what is the story that you tell them?
Do you consider yourself artistic, from a broken home, childhood was tough- but it made me strong (says the woman who never pauses to care for herself), fiercely independent (pushing close relationships firmly away). We all have these little defining stories, that we have been telling for so long we are probably mostly unaware of them (“oh I’m not really very practical”, “money just slips through my fingers”, “luck never quite comes my way”)
"It all started when he broke my heart"
"My mother left when I was three, it's been hard ever since really"
But each time you think, speak, and share your back story- you take it from the past & put it firmly in your future.
And you wonder why you can’t break free of the past? Why you repeat the same mistakes, over and over again? It is most likely because you look at the future through the filter of your past experiences.
Releasing your back story is a continuous process- as you remove layer upon layer, re-evaluating how you present yourself to others. Pausing to hear your own words, and how you are shaping your future based upon your past struggles, difficulties, and problems.
This back story will influence every aspect of your life- diet, friendships, work, abundance. It is an insidious energy that creeps into every part of your life- and mostly never noticed.
I have a back story that in the end those that love me will leave me, I struggle on exhausted desperate from help, but rejecting offers of help based on my back story.
Raising my children has been hard as I have had little support from family (sorry if any family members are reading this- I hope you can appreciate the truth in my words). I felt lost raising my children with out a mother figure to turn to nurture and support me. This is where back stories are so perverse. I attracted into my life two wonderful, vibrant, gorgeous woman- a similar age to my Mum. Yet I saw them through my back story of difficulties with my Mother. I refused to ask, or accept help from them. I became brittle & frightened when I was with them. Luckily for me they are patient friends, and I have worked a lot of that back story. I am able now to look at them as the woman they are. To ask for help, enjoy their company, not to feel smaller each time I am with them because of the filter through which I am seeing them. my own loss, and expectation of further loss should I reach out.
How to work through your back stories?
Be gentle with yourself for a start. It is like loosing layers of skin, it can leave you vulnerable.
It can also effect every single relationship in your life. These people have grown used to the shape of you with all that back story. They have got used to you defining yourself a certain way. Changing that can be hard for the people in your life, they can feel you changing and be worried about how it will impact them. Tread gently.
I do a "reflection spread", where;
1- the individual
2- an issue, or problem
4- energy leaving
Card at the bottom of the pack, something that needs to be known.
I am looking at the mini reading of cards 2, 3 & 5. In particular I am looking to see if their unconscious (3) is creating a block (2) that their mind is now catching and using to project forward (5)
I also look for stalker cards in a clients reading, especially cards that don’t necessarily fit in with the rest of the reading.
The 6 of cups (childhood) is a classic. It can pop up in each mini-reading, yet not really fit. The Empress can reflect Mother issues, the Emperor- Father, 2 of cups past relationships, 6 of pentacles- control issues, people working through the victim-perpetrator-rescuer triangle in their relationships.
Often when these cards keep cropping up with no real reference to the rest of the reading I will do a specific spread to ask them what they are saying.
Shamanism is the main way I have heard & let go of some of my back stories. Connecting with others in an emotionally honest & soulful way is very illuminating. Those back stories can suddenly be heard, and hearing them is the first step to letting them go.
When we work shamanically we are working outside of linear time. Working with a client I can identify a habit, or self limiting behaviour. Then using drum, and breath, and memory follow the silver thread of connection to the source, the root, of that issue. The client's intent focus allows me to work with the energy body of that time (and sometimes that is back in to past lives too) .To energetically release the scar energy form the original emotional wound.
The back story is like the emotional sticking plaster- a great way of protecting form new hurt, though of course it protects from moving forward too.
Journaling & vision boarding is another great way. Committing your dreams to paper, and then hearing that little voice whisper that it would be lovely “but” is a a great way to work through back stories.
Try thinking of an achievable dream, or intent. Then writing it out each (and every) day.
Listen to yourself as you write- it only need be a sentence- do you hear your inner voice tutting at your audacity. Pointing out that it’s a lovely idea, but not for you….cue back story to flood your thoughts again….