I am not writing this for sympathy, the situation is past and resolved, I am writing because it may help someone else work it out a little quicker than me.
It is roughly a year ago now that my husband sat me down for a little chat.
He wanted to tell me he was leaving because; there was a long list of reasons. All abut me, all personal and none nice.
I literally felt the earth fall from under me. I have had many difficulties with my parents, and now my husband too was rejecting me. Surely this was proof positive, and even with a little relief, that it actually was all my fault.
I decided to survive for my children. My plan was simple. Work hard, pay for their education, survive until the youngest was eighteen. Then remove myself- as the problem- from life. Again I felt some relief, all that stuff about personal growth, love and the like could wash over me. I had a set job, a set number of years. A simple, achievable task.
Luckily a combination of deep stubbornness, good friends and time helped me to see that was not the way forward.
With children involved and difficult finances kicking my husband out was not simple, so life continued much as before, and I slowly put myself back together.
We talked, and in time talked things through.
Later my husband told me that none of the things he had said were the truth. He was hurting, and everything he had said was a reflection of his pain.
I had reached such deep darkness, and his words had nothing to do with me?
It was a harsh lesson, but worthwhile. I fully understand now how words from others need to be measured inside first. Not taken on board as a truth.
So if someone you love, or even someone you hardly know, has a long list of insults to hurl at you. Or perhaps a steady drip of difficult words fr you. Pause first, and consider their worth.
This is experience was supported for me by my constant companion at this time, the 5 of swords. I came to understand how this card was not only the hurt that I was living through, but my card of healing and strength too. You can read more about the card here; 5 of swords blog.