I thought I would share with you some insights of my personal journey and experiences as a professional tarot reader. If life allows I will continue this on a weekly basis.
One of the hardest things, honestly, is the growing sense of inadequacy.
When I am in "the zone" and connected to the tarot I am also connected to a source of wisdom, that is far wiser than me.
As I hear my words flow a part of me is nodding inside as there will often be a some of the reading that could apply to me, and improve my life too. But because I am acting as a channel I don't hold and digest the advice, it seems to flow from me - and so I rarely turn it into anything concrete in my life.
I do read the tarot for myself, in particular if i have a decision to make, or am looking for ways to move my business forward. The problem with reading for myself is that it is never quite as clear as when i read for someone else. The wisdom is filtered through my ego, which picks up on the good, or bad, bits it wants to hear. So if I read for myself in an emotional state it can make things worse rather than better. magnifying my fears and doubts.
So I guess what I'm trying to explain is being a tarot reader is a bit like having a super heroes alter-ego. If I read for you at a fair, or from my caravan, you may perceive me as a wise, calm, got life together kind of a person.
And when I am connected to source-either through tarot or shamanism I am. I have read for people in the most difficult of circumstances and handled it with a depth of compassion and wisdom that I am very proud of indeed.
Alas a shaman (as I was once told) needs to walk with both feet on the ground. And if you happened to see me early on a Sunday morning, daughters ballet shoes gone missing, sons hair needs brushing before fencing, others sons shoes too muddy to wear to fencing and the only thing he has is wellies- then you will see a side of me that is most un-calm, unwise, and unconnected to source.
Sometimes in all the midst of family chaos, when emotions are high, time and energy gone I get a flash of source. A moment of connection, which just keeps me sane, but underlines how very human I really am.
So if you see me for a reading and think I have all the answers to life. I do, but they only come through me as inspiration. sadly I have not fully understood them yet, nor applied them to my life.
They are a gift I can connect with, they are not mine.